How to Tell if your Tween is being Bullied

So you have that sinking suspicion your daughter is being bullied. How do you know for sure, and what can you do about it? Studies and experience suggest that just about all girls will be the target of some bullying as they go through school. And while this can be a passing incident, hopefully shrugged off, you do want to be aware if your daughter is facing serious and persistent bullying. Here are few things you can do to help your daughter cope with a bullying situation.

1. Talk to her. Everyday. Ask her daily about how things are going at school. Ask about her friends and remember names. Be aware if some friends drop off the daily list of discussion or stop coming over, telephoning (or texting, IMing, etc). These may indicate that your daughter is being “frozen out” by former friends.
2. Does she talk about other girls and the mean tricks played on them? Does she indicate a willingness to play along, or indicate horror. And could she be talking about herself or leaving you an opening to ask if anyone has done anything like that to her?
3. Tell her to ignore it - Bullies like to get a reaction. To the extent she can, your daughter should ignore and avoid the bullied. The hope is that the bullies will turn their attention elsewhere when they fail to get the reaction they want.
4. Tell your daughter how great she is. Reassure her of her strengths and unique talents. Arm her self-confidence on the inside so she can present a strong and stoic face to the outside – especially where bullying is concerned.
5. Resist the urge to go for payback. You’re probably still thinking about the smart comeback you could have made to your school nemesis if only you had thought of it in time. Resist the urge to equip your daughter with flippant one-liners. These rarely work as they do in the movies – instead the bully digs in and will escalate her level of harassment. If your daughter is a the good one, and we know she is, she won’t be able to keep up with the bully (or she will become too good at it and turn into a bully herself)
6. Encourage her to work things our on her own, but be prepared to step in. A lot of girl to girl bullying will have to do with nasty comments and friendship isolation. But when there is a true bullying situation and your daughter has come to you for help, it’s likely she’s exhausted her coping skills. It is up to you to step in. Go to the school, talk to the teachers, the administrators. Ask for an investigation and an action plan. Though you may not get the results of the investigation due to privacy concerns, bullies, especially adolescent ones, don’t like to operate in the spotlight. With enough attention drawn to the issue, you should see the bullying fade away
7. Get additional help - yes this may be just the time to talk with a counselor or psychologist if the problems persist or your daughter just can’t seem to get over it. There may be other issues at work and it would do to get to the bottom of them.

Share your best thoughts and tips on helping your tween deal with a bully below…
Next up – Oh No – What to do when your daughter is the bully!