Parenting Advice – 3 Tips to Help Your Daughter the Tween Years

As a parent of a tween, you might have noticed that she is becoming more and more involved with her friends. Bonding with a peer group is an important part of your tween’s development. You may have noticed that as you daughter enters her tween years she begins spending much more time and energy on her friendships—from hours spent chatting on the internet to sleepover parties spent doing anything but sleeping. While your daughter is definitely getting many positives out of her relationships with peers, chances are these friendships are not always drama-free.

From cliques, to Queen Bees, to shared crushes, there’s no lack of opportunities for friendships to bring your daughter angst. As a parent, how do you help your tween cope with the trials of these relationships? Here are 3 tips to help you help your daughter navigate the bumps and curves along the road of friendship.

Open the Dialogue
In a non-judgmental way, ask you daughter about her friends. Ask her which friend is easiest to talk to, which friend is the best listener, which friend does she have the most fun with, which friend tends to make her upset? By asking your daughter about her friends you are showing her that you care about these relationships. These conversations open the dialogue between the two of you about friendship. If your daughter knows that you are interested in her friendships, she will willingly come to you for advice and solace when she has friend drama.

Be a Listener, Not a Lecturer
It’s tempting to confront your daughter’s friend issues by offering “friendship rules of thumb” (like, always put girl friends before guys or stay away from cliques). Unfortunately, your well-meaning advice may come off as lecturing or judging, which could turn your tween off coming to you at all. Try to spend most of these discussions with your daughter listening, and help her come to wise conclusions on her own by asking her questions. For example, if your daughter discusses feeling left out of a group you might ask her, “How has your situation made you feel about cliques?” This will help her develop the skills she needs to navigate friendships on her own, while still appreciating your advice and care.

Share Stories from Your Tween Years
While many things have changed since you were a tween, the ins and outs of young friendships have not. A great way to help your daughter navigate friend issues is to share friend stories from your own tween years and discuss how you dealt (or did not deal) with these situations. Tell her about a time you had a very jealous friend, a friend others looked at as “uncool,” or a friend you competed with because you had a crush on the same person. Ask you daughter what she would do in these situations or tell her what you did and ask her what she thinks. By doing this, you are helping your daughter create a tool box of skills she may need to deal with her own friend issues in addition to strengthening your own mother-daughter relationship.