By Alison Craig of Three Impressions

We all want to look fabulous. Who wouldn’t? But in today’s day and age, what is in style seems to change every 15 seconds. Oh look, there goes another trend. So how is one to know how to look great no matter what your age?
And how do you avoid that dreadful moment 10, 15, or 20 years from now when you look at the photos and wonder, “Why did I ever wear that? Why did I style my hair like that? Why did I do my makeup like that?”
Well, it is actually quite easy. Stop looking at the trends of what is considered beautiful for 15 seconds, and look at the classics that have been beautiful for ages. Here are two very simple and consistent principles used throughout the ages to create that look of timeless beauty.
1) Create contrast. Visual contrast has always been key to being a classic beauty. Fair skin and rich hair is an example of natural contrast. But contrast doesn’t just have to be between you hair and skin color. You can also create contrast between your skin color and clothes and between several articles of clothing. Why is contrast so important? Contrast creates visual interest and make colors pop. Think about the color wheel: opposites attract.
As we age, we want tone down the contrast. In your 20s, you can go pretty crazy with color contrast. So if you want to create a bold fashion look, use contrasting color. It is the easiest, most inexpensive way to create a dynamic look as well. As we age into our 40s and 50s, and beyond, begin to tone down the contrast. So if you are a fair skinned and blonde, try a gray suit instead of black. The harsh black can begin to exaggerate the visual signs of age, such as wrinkles. So don’t go to extremes that can age us and startle others.
2) Be true to yourself. I know it sounds quite simple, but it always amazes me how many dress for who they think other people think they are. If your look and image don’t reflect your true authentic self, then you will always make those “Why did I do that?” mistakes. You’ll feel embarrassed later if you aren’t authentic in this current moment. Why is that so important? People can tell if there is something amiss, so if you are dressing to please someone else other than yourself, it won’t work. So be original, and be timeless.
By creating timeless looks that reflect who you are, you and your look will never be out of style.

After mentioning the Halloween costume subject, I’m sure you’re curious about what they had to say on that. The authors mention that “Children need reliable, accurate information from trusted adults to handle the messages about sexuality they receive on a daily basis from media sources and peers. For parents with young girls, especially, Halloween can mean going through racks of costumes with short skirts, bare midriffs, and laced up heels. Use these teachable moments to discuss your values and limits around costumes. Teach your values, and give your children reliable, accurate information about the many ways sexuality messages enter their lives.”

The authors touch on things like keeping kids healthy in school, addressing the swine flu, and even how to limit TV and cell phone exposure to increase attention and success at school. The book costs $12.95 and can be bought online or in book stores nationwide. To learn more about the authors and the book, you can check their site at www.parentingbystrengths.com.

From cliques, to Queen Bees, to shared crushes, there’s no lack of opportunities for friendships to bring your daughter angst. As a parent, how do you help your tween cope with the trials of these relationships? Here are 3 tips to help you help your daughter navigate the bumps and curves along the road of friendship.

Open the Dialogue
In a non-judgmental way, ask you daughter about her friends. Ask her which friend is easiest to talk to, which friend is the best listener, which friend does she have the most fun with, which friend tends to make her upset? By asking your daughter about her friends you are showing her that you care about these relationships. These conversations open the dialogue between the two of you about friendship. If your daughter knows that you are interested in her friendships, she will willingly come to you for advice and solace when she has friend drama.

Be a Listener, Not a Lecturer
It’s tempting to confront your daughter’s friend issues by offering “friendship rules of thumb” (like, always put girl friends before guys or stay away from cliques). Unfortunately, your well-meaning advice may come off as lecturing or judging, which could turn your tween off coming to you at all. Try to spend most of these discussions with your daughter listening, and help her come to wise conclusions on her own by asking her questions. For example, if your daughter discusses feeling left out of a group you might ask her, “How has your situation made you feel about cliques?” This will help her develop the skills she needs to navigate friendships on her own, while still appreciating your advice and care.

Share Stories from Your Tween Years
While many things have changed since you were a tween, the ins and outs of young friendships have not. A great way to help your daughter navigate friend issues is to share friend stories from your own tween years and discuss how you dealt (or did not deal) with these situations. Tell her about a time you had a very jealous friend, a friend others looked at as “uncool,” or a friend you competed with because you had a crush on the same person. Ask you daughter what she would do in these situations or tell her what you did and ask her what she thinks. By doing this, you are helping your daughter create a tool box of skills she may need to deal with her own friend issues in addition to strengthening your own mother-daughter relationship.

Jan Denise is a parenting expert, syndicated newspaper columnist, empowerment guru and the author of a new book, Innately Good: Dispelling the Myth That You’re Not. You can find out more about her parenting tips and parenting advice at her website: www.innatelygood.com

Read to Her – reinforce your tween’s reading skills continuing to read aloud to her. This way you can reinforce the value of reading and provide opportunities for discussing what you both read. To help with writing and comprehension, try reading together and taking notes separately and then comparing your responses.

Make Math an Everyday Affair - this is the age when girls especially seem to lose their interest in math. Don’t let that happen to your daughter. Turn math into an everyday affair by calculating the total in the grocery cart before checkout or asking for her help when measuring for a home improvement project.

Responsibility - Tweens can handle more responsibility and need to learn how to do so. If you encourage her to be more responsible at home, it’s likely she’ll be more responsible at school too. Help her learn how to organize her homework and her backpack for the next day. Put a checklist up next to the door to help her remember everything easily.

Social Pressures
Yes, this is the age when social and peer pressures really begin to take their toll. Tweens are at the right stage to start to gravitate towards friends and it’s an important part of their development of r them to do so. But tweens can be mean, as they all try to find their place in the social landscape. You may find your daughter worrying more about what her friends think than about school. What can you do to help your tween navigate the social pressures?

Choices - As tweens spend more time away from parents, they are faced with making more choices on their own – from who to spend time with to how that time is spent. Older tweens might start encountering situations as serious as being asked to take a drink or a drug, or it may be something less serious like blowing off homework to hang out. Make sure you discuss the possible situations before hand and help her plan a response. It can make the difference between a poor choice and a better one.

Encourage friendships and new activities - In middle school kids get to explore more clubs and activities which can be a wonderful experience for them. However, shyness or fear of not knowing anyone may inhibit them from joining something. Check out the activities available on the school website and see if she has a friend who will join with. Having a ready set club buddy will make those activities all the more appealing.

By following the simple parenting advice, you and your tween can have a virtually stress free back to school period. And you can breathe easy. knowing your child is well prepared for a successful school year.

Self-esteem, put simply, is the way that you feel about yourself. Unfortunately, many girls suffer from low self esteem because of the messages they get about how they should look and how they should act. Images from the media, like actors, singers—even dolls—make girls think that in order to be noticed and worthwhile, they must be very thin, wear very expensive clothes, and be more focused on boys than books, on shopping than sports.

Why do we need to raise it?

It is no wonder that girls’ self-esteem plummets when they feel like the incredible things they do accomplish—an 100% on a math test or a soccer team’s perfect record—matter much less than things that are impossible to achieve—looking just like an airbrushed supermodel or getting attention from all the boys. In order to help your daughter raise her self esteem, you must help her value the achievements that show off her intelligence, bravery, and generosity as opposed to her looks, popularity, and size of her piggy bank.

5 Tips To Help You Raise Your Daughter’s Self Esteem

1. Help her process and analyze the media

When you watch TV with your daughter ask her what she thinks of the images of girls and women. Help her understand the harmful stereotypes that some of these images promote. You might say, “This TV show is fun to watch, but it might make someone think that all teen girls have endless allowances to buy trendy clothes. What other untrue things do you think this show might make people think about girls your age?”

2. Encourage her to read books about successful girls and women

Providing role models other than supermodels is a great way to help your daughter raise her self-esteem. Books that you may have read when you were young, like Little House on the Prairie and Anne of Green Gables as well as newer books like the Anastasia Krupnik series by Lois Lowry and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series by Anne Brashares have relatable young heroines who will encourage your daughter to dream big, speak up, and have confidence in herself.

3. Encourage her to appreciate her body for its power and strength, not just the way it looks

Calorie counting, diet crazes, and weight obsession do not help the self-esteem of young girls with changing bodies. Combat the idea that body weight equals self worth by helping your daughter appreciate the incredible things she can do with her strong body. Encourage her to join a sports team, become an avid biker, or just run around outside with friends.

4. Help her pursue a unique passion

Whether it be computer programming, drama, or cooking, your daughter has unique interests and talents that she may need a little push to pursue. Let your daughter know that being unique is great, and encourage her to pursue those interests that will help her feel accomplished and self-confident. Help her set goals when she begins pursuing a passion, because she will gain self-esteem as she tracks her progress.

5. Teach her to speak up when she has an opinion, and listen to her when she does

By letting your daughter know that you value her opinion and encouraging her to speak up, you are letting her know that what she says matters—not just how she looks. The more your daughter speaks up, the more confidence she will develop in herself and her opinions.

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