Ending Math Anxiety in Girls

By Christine Duval

I don’t love math. I admit it. It never was a favorite subject of mine. I didn’t do horribly in it, but I realize looking back to my school days that I didn’t get a lot of encouragement to enjoy or excel at it either.

Recently while struggling to help my daughter with a complicated word problem, I realized that my attitude towards math might be affecting her attitude towards the subject as well. I started poking around the internet to see what other people might be saying about girls and math.  I was surprised to find that girls are still far behind boys when it comes to pursuing math or science fields especially today when technology plays such a vital role in every facet of our busy lives. There are so many interesting, highly lucrative careers that require a good math base and I’d hate to think our daughters are missing out

The Los Angeles Times had an interesting article recently about how girls might be learning math anxiety from their female teachers. Granted I’m not my daughter’s teacher, but I do help her with math homework. Could my under-confidence in the subject keep her from excelling at it?  Based on the findings of psychologists at the University of Chicago, it seems to me it could. After following female teachers who admitted to being anxious about their math abilities for a year, they found the girls they taught turned out to be more likely to have math anxiety and score lower on tests.

Of course it would be hard for me to know how confident a teacher is in teaching any subject. I don’t see myself asking in a parent/teacher conference, “So, how secure are you in your abilities?” But, I do have control over what happens at home. So, I’ve decided when it comes to math, rather than get frustrated or anxious, I’m better off explaining that just because I didn’t excel at a subject, it doesn’t mean she can’t and encourage her not to give up. I may not know how to solve every equation, but I’m resourceful enough to help her find the tools to build her skills.

And be sure to check out Danica McKellar’s great book for tween girls – Math Doesn’t Suck (this from the gal who played Winnie on the Wonder Years – yup she grew up to be a math whiz…)

Well, your daughter is about to go through the same thing, and as a parent, you’ll have to be there for her. But why are tween friendships so filled with drama?

Well, there is a lot going on. Sometimes there is a new campus, more schoolwork as well as the onset of puberty which all lead to some intense peer pressure and consequently a new feeling of insecurity. This means that even small differences of opinions between friends can lead to some outsize blow outs. This is both challenging for kids and frustrating for parents. As moms, we can no more imagine getting a lasting mad on at our best friend – I mean after all, they are our friends. But kids have no such reference point or shared history.

Tack on the fact that in middle school, kids are trying out new activities and new things – the former tomboy may discover a new talent for the drama club – or may be faced with a best friend who does. And in middle school, groups of friends, or cliques do start to form. Your child will bounce in and out of groups as she starts to find her way. If she finds an activity and sticks with it, then her peer groups issues may be less troublesome, but if she is having trouble finding her “right activity” then these issues can be exacerbated.

At some point, your child will find herself on the outs. Peer groups shift and reform and some children with even low self esteem will try to control the group – the easiest way by turning on one or more members – and it may very well be your daughter’s turn at some point. If this happens, what should you do?

The best parenting advice is that this normal behavior at this point and that it’s best for it to run it’s course – without you stepping in too much. Watch, listen, but do not try to save the day (this means avoiding too much advice-giving). In all liklihood, your child will likely take her frustrations out on you.
Try to steer clear od the day to day dramas. However, do be prepared to step in if you think things are taking a dangerous turn – if bullying or its online cousin cyberbullying rears its ugly head.

And any tips you have for dealing with tween friend crises below!

So as back to school becomes just school, how can you help your tween daughter better adjust to middle school? Here are some parenting tips and parenting advice to help you let go and let your daughter take her first steps towards independence.

1. Think in terms of coach, not manager – When you’re child was smaller, you were pretty much the micro manager of all of her daily time and activities. Everything from getting socks on to drinking juice had to be carefully watched and monitored with you providing step by step directions all along the way. And there is nothing wrong with that – that’s exactly what your daughter needed to learn how to take care of herself.

However as she moves into middle school, you should start to think of yourself more as a coach, not as a manager. A coach cheers, supports and provides direction, but can’t play the game for the child.

2. Help her keep her own schedule - You may be used to the master planner, scheduling soccer practices, ballet lessons and other activities, but now that your daughter is in middle school, she will have to manage extracurricular activities along with academic responsibilities. As a parent-coach, your job is not to keep her schedule for her, but to help her manager it herself. Come up with a time management system both of you can use – there is no sense forcing her to follow your favorite style – and help her stick to it. It may be as simple as a designated homework pad in which she writes down all assignments for that day and their due date. Or she may prefer a more organized planner. Or a folder for each class. You know your daughter, so figure out something that works for her – don’t worry about what anyone else is doing.

3. Build Your Team - Parenting today takes teamwork. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t be afraid to get to know your child’s teachers, coaches, mentors and counselors. This is especially important if you’re a single parent. Building a team that includes teachers, neighbors and others will ensure that you’re not in this alone. Even if you’re a stay at home mom, having this parenting team can greatly help you help your daughter. Yes, you may have to listen to some unwanted parenting advice, but you’ll likely get a few gems in there as well.

Moms and Dads – Put in your best parenting tips for easing the transition to middle school in the comments below….

After mentioning the Halloween costume subject, I’m sure you’re curious about what they had to say on that. The authors mention that “Children need reliable, accurate information from trusted adults to handle the messages about sexuality they receive on a daily basis from media sources and peers. For parents with young girls, especially, Halloween can mean going through racks of costumes with short skirts, bare midriffs, and laced up heels. Use these teachable moments to discuss your values and limits around costumes. Teach your values, and give your children reliable, accurate information about the many ways sexuality messages enter their lives.”

The authors touch on things like keeping kids healthy in school, addressing the swine flu, and even how to limit TV and cell phone exposure to increase attention and success at school. The book costs $12.95 and can be bought online or in book stores nationwide. To learn more about the authors and the book, you can check their site at www.parentingbystrengths.com.